Living with Procrastination

​We all know what it means to procrastinate but many of us do not really know why we avoid starting something we want to do or know we need to do.
 
Obstacles and Resistance
This is more than simply putting off something unpleasant.  We are avoiding doing a task we know needs to be done.  What is it that keeps us from getting started?
 
Our resistance is not about the task but the feelings that lie underneath.  Refusing the call to action avoids having to deal with the powerful emotions we fear might emerge such as anxiety, shame, and commitment to a decision.
 
Doing something else is preferable to having to face these emotions. Dealing instead with the feelings that come from avoidance may work but leads to negative consequences in the long term.
 
Fear and Perfectionism
Taking time to reflect upon what needs to be done can fuel our anxiety.  The critical voice in our head undermines our belief that we have the resources to overcome whatever difficulties may arise. We may fear we will fail to complete the task to the required standard or at all.
 
We imagine the shame of abandoning the task to someone else or the humiliation of finishing something that will be criticised. We can protect ourselves from any hard to manage emotions resulting from a poor outcome by finding ways to avoid making a start.
 
Choosing limits Choice
We know we cannot have it all, but before we choose we can imagine this is the case. Choosing immediately cancels out all other options, so avoiding making a choice keeps us from having to live with the consequences. These include having to act upon our choices and possibly needing to justify or defend them to others.
 
Motivation and Prioritisation
Avoidance is a way of prioritizing our short term needs over long term ones.  We are avoiding having to manage powerful emotions like fear, anxiety and shame.
 
This highlights the importance of self-worth. If we do not start we avoid the risk that we might fail.  However struggling to start or finish tasks can increase our negative sense of self making it even harder to start or finish projects.
 
The issue is not the task itself but our inability to manage negative emotions around carrying out the task. Improving our sense of our own competence makes the task less daunting, reduces the risk of failure and increases our resilience to work through any challenges.
 
Putting on the Brakes
Holding off is not always a sign of avoidance.  We may suspend our decision to take the time we need to make the right choice rather than being forced into something we intuitively know is wrong.  Maybe we are not ready or feel we have not yet thought things through.
 
The power of pause allows us to stay where we are and take time to consider what is really going on. We can reflect upon the impact of any fear of negative emotions regarding possible outcomes and identify how much this may be affecting our decision not to act.  
 
By cultivating self-acceptance and self-compassion we can counter the negative energy that comes from our inability to act.  We can focus on understanding what is holding us back rather than just judging our inaction.
 
Reframing the Task
It sometimes feels like we have turned in on ourselves and need to be released from the prison of our own inaction. Where do we get the courage to overcome our fear and avoid feeling shame?
 
Understanding the origins of these intense feelings allows us to separate them from any particular activity. We may discover their roots lie elsewhere and are being brought to the surface by our anxiety over what needs to be done but have no direct connection to it.  If we can see the task in a different light it might evoke much more manageable emotions.
 
Sharing our fears can reduce their impact.  If someone linked arms with us we might be able to move forward.  Beginning without the need to complete can also reduce the pressure we put upon ourselves. Perhaps we are not always supposed to know how to do it; we are just supposed to begin.
 
© 2020 Michael Golding