Living with Compulsions

Compulsions are things we believe we need to do, even when there might not appear to be any rational justification for them.  They may be complex routines or simple actions that punctuate our day.

As children there is much we cannot control and we rely on others to do that for us.  Sooner or later there is a shift and we must start to take responsibility for our safety and wellbeing, and perhaps also for those that we love.

Rules for Living
We each develop our own very personal rules for living. This provides a framework that supports us in our daily lives.  These rules can be passed down through families or learned from those around us.  Some of these behaviours might be regarded by others as unnecessary, but they can be very important to us.

Some people have never been able to build any sense of trust, while for others something happens that shakes their confidence that all will be well.    Part of our response may be to develop a unique set of rules and behaviours that create in us a feeling of security through our ability to shape the future.

Variety of Compulsions
Many people have compulsions around keeping things in order.  Their desk or workshop has everything in its own special place.  While there may be advantages in maintaining this level or order, for some keeping the space neat over-rides any other activities.

There are compulsions around food which may not be extreme enough to put our health at risk but can affect our approach to eating and limit our choices.  Some people eat by food group or colour, eating all of one thing before starting on the next.  

A desire for order can require tasks to be carried out in a particular sequence or repeated for a set number of times.  For many people this can apply to their nightly checking of doors and windows before going to bed.  If the routine is interrupted then we must start again until it is completed.  Only then can we sleep soundly knowing our home is secure.

Safety through Control
Compulsions can be seen as a trade-off.  By carrying out certain actions we are hoping to ensure a particular version of the future.  Even without any obvious link between them, we feel we are doing something rather than passively accepting our fate.   What we do keeps us safe and gives us a sense that we are in control of our lives. 

Emotional Insurance
Many of us struggle with uncertainty. Not knowing what the future may bring can be a constant cause of anxiety.   We can buy insurance to protect us from the possible effects of practical problems, but where can we find cover that will offset our fears about the future and how it might impact on ourselves and those we love?

Anchors or Millstones?
Change is all around us and the rate of change seems to be increasing.  While some people are able to go with the flow, many of us need some solid reference points to anchor us in the present.  The routines of our daily lives can provide us with a sense of stability in a changing world.

For some people these can start to dominate their lives. They may have a long list of things to be done in a particular way and interruptions mean starting afresh.  Simple actions repeated often enough can also become harmful, such as the skin problems that result from repetitive handwashing.

Habits, Preferences or Compulsions?
Perhaps you do things a particular way because you have always done it like this and it has become easy and familiar.  Maybe it is something you like to do but can easily do without.  Consider what it feels like when you are not able to carry out the tasks in the way that you wish.  Do you become frustrated or angry, or perhaps fearful or uncertain?  Is your emotional response in keeping with the situation or does it seem to be out of proportion?

Relaxing the Grip
If we can recognise the reality of the threats we are facing and appreciate our ability to meet and manage whatever may befall us, we may be able to break free of the negative thoughts and behaviours controlling our lives. 

Particular problems have their own solutions, but a more general anxiety or fear about the future is harder to pin down.  Reaching out to others may help us to understand what lies behind these fears.  We may also begin to appreciate the resources that we are able to draw upon. 

Perhaps then we can start to build the necessary faith and trust in ourselves and those around us.  Gradually we can develop our resilience and begin to believe that if the worst should happen we will not be crushed by it and that we will find a way through.

© 2018 Michael Golding